6/4/14 Wednesday - Bad News
18w3d - This morning the nurse called and said that they are getting ready to leave town and Dr. Clarkson wanted to see me today if I could. I made an appt for 11am and hung up. Afterward I thought it curious that he needed to see me now, since I have an appt scheduled for next week when he gets back. I figured he wanted to go over my Ultrasound, and talk more about the placenta.
I saw a fellow pregnant friend at the office, and she asked why I was there. I told her and we joked that it couldn't be too serious otherwise they would have asked my husband to come or have a counselor waiting for me there.
When Dr came in, he said he wanted to go over the radiologist's report. He said the radiologist found some abnormalities in the scan. There are cystic hygromas around her neck that could signify a chromosome disorder. He also said that there appears to be a couple problems with her heart. (Since I didn't know what cystic hygromas were, I was more concerned about the heart at this point.) It looks like she only has one ventricle instead of 2. He said it was pretty serious and that they will send me to the perinatologist in Billings for more detailed ultrasounds and fetal echocardiography as soon as possible. At this point I was just taking it all in. My ears were burning and my eyes a little watery, but I managed to keep it together. I told him I wanted as much information as possible. I also asked for a copy of the report, which he gave me in addition to a packet full of info about cystic hygromas. He asked if I wanted him to call my husband, so I told him no, that he's out of town. I asked him if the baby could live if what appears on the report is accurate. He was not optimistic.
I left the office and totally broke down in the van. It was so awful to be alone receiving that news, with no one to hug or comfort me. I of course prayed for comfort and tried to get a hold of Reid (at training in Las Vegas until Friday). I didn't get an answer. I knew I wasn't ready to go home yet and face the kids and Shauna et al. I thought I'd get some food, but I just parked at the McDonald's and rolled down the windows. I had completely lost my appetite. I tried to read over the packet I received. Then finally Reid called. I cried as I tried to tell him that our baby girl has some serious problems. I sent him a pic of the radiologist report because I was doing a horrible job of explaining coherently. He reminded me that all will work out, that we will be okay no matter what happens. I so badly wished he was there with me. After we had a good chat, he told me to get some ice cream and do some online shopping (since bed rest limits real shopping).
Once we were done I ordered a hot fudge sundae and some fries. I ate them in the parking lot and texted Megs, Rach, Mom & Dad, since they had been asking how my appointment went. Their words of love were sweet and made me cry more. Luckily it had started raining so I didn't feel like people could see me as well. I finally drove home. I loved the smell of the summer rain and sagebrush. It was nostalgic.
The specialist office called and we have an appt set for next week. I really hope we get some answers. At this point we don't have any diagnosis, so don't really know what we're dealing with. There are so many possibilities, so it's hard to know what we will be faced with.
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