Keeping it Real.

I am 31.5 weeks.  I have now survived 16 days so far this hospital stay, and hope to stay pregnant for several more weeks.  Sara Kate is hanging in there, and labor has been holding off.  I am so grateful that my stay has been uneventful so far.  At this point, boring is good!

My nurses have all been wonderful, and the doctors continue to impress me.  I'm so grateful they have all been communicating well and know me, as well as Sara.  I'm learning that I'm pretty spoiled here at UVRMC.  My room is huge, brand new, and has an amazing view of the mountains.  I also have Room Service, and pretty decent food.  I hear it's not going to be quite as cushy at the UofU, so I'm trying to soak it in while I can.  (I may also need to stop wearing BYU shirts to bed...)  

I have another fetal echo tomorrow.  Luckily, I had already set my appointment for when a Pediatric Cardiologist from Primary Children's would be here at Utah Valley.  They come down to Provo once a month.  They'll take a close look at Sara's heart again, and look for any changes.

So many wonderful friends and family members have come to visit me.  It has been truly awesome, and so good for my emotional health and extrovertness (totally a word).  :)  It's been neat to be here where I grew up, and at the crossroads of people visiting from out of town.  I have seen so many people that I otherwise wouldn't have seen if I had been stuck up in Billings this whole time.

My emotions have grown closer and closer to the surface.  I've been pretty good at keeping the tears at bay in front of other people up until the last week or so (and I really don't mean to keep them in, it's inherent).  I can talk about the scientific parts pretty easily.  It's when I start talking about my kids, or Sara as my daughter and part of our family that I just can't hold it in anymore.  The reality of everything is hitting me in small doses.  The day Sara will be born is still very unknown, but it is getting closer.  

Reid was here for the weekend (AWESOME), and we were able to take a NICU tour together while he was here.  The NICU is a fascinating place, but also very emotional and solemn.  It is truly amazing what can be done to help babies survive, and then thrive.  I felt very anxious as I saw all the interventions occurring on the tiniest bodies.  

We had a family movie night in my hospital room with the kids on Saturday night.  Reid moved the couch up in front of the TV, we popped popcorn, and gave the boys plenty of treats (sorry Mom!).  Monday morning, Reid picked the kids up from my parents' house and brought donuts back to the hospital.  We ate donuts, watched cartoons, and had a dance party - just like we would at home (except, sadly, they were deprived of my awesome dance moves that are not compatible with bed rest).  I loved spending that time together as a family.  It's so good for my soul!  

Being away from my family is taking its toll on me.  Even though I get to see the kids fairly often, I'm not there for all the little things.  Reid only comes down every 3 weeks and just for the weekend, as we're saving his vacation time for when Sara is born.  I love them all so deeply, that my heart aches to spend time away from them.  I know we're doing the best we can for our current situation, and I am so thankful for all the help we have had to make things easier.  I know someday this will all seem like such a short time in our lives. 

With all that we've been dealing with, I recognize that there are others who are dealing with, or have dealt with, much more pain and sorrow.  I've also been reminded that everyone goes through tough times.  We all have our turn, and sometimes many turns.  Our trials aren't the same and cannot be compared - some are visible, some are silent, some are chronic, and some are temporary.  I hope that I am becoming a better person through my trials; stronger, with more faith, and with more empathy and love for others.      

Thank you so much for your continued thoughts, prayers, calls, visits, and love!  xoxo