Surprise Emotions

One month.

It's been one month since Rhett's miracle. I acknowledged the date earlier this morning as I looked at my calendar. I thought about how fast time has past, but didn't think of much else surrounding the event. I didn't think that this date would really affect me.

******

At 8:30am I dropped the two older boys off at the park to go on a field trip with the Fun Club, then quickly drove off to run errands in Billings. I decided a trip to Costco with only 2 little boys sounded much better than a trip with all 4.

The 1.5 hr drive to Billings was pretty uneventful, except for a full irrigation ditch along the road that caught my eye for a minute. The image of Rhett belly-up in the water in UT flashed in my mind, but I quickly dismissed it and turned up my music. (The first couple weeks after Rhett's near-drowning I really struggled with the images in my head. I had a hard time sleeping as the events replayed. Thankfully, these moments have become less and less frequent as time passes.)

The boys were surprisingly manageable at Costco. No major tantrums. We got a lot done and spent a whole $400 just on food. *cheesy grin* Oy. (Our fridges and freezers were pretty bare). I had a hard time mastering the Jenga puzzle of groceries and coolers in the trunk, but eventually figured it out and everything had a place. The sun was beating down on me and I got frustrated when I realized I had forgotten to pick up the bag of ice that I bought. I loaded the boys back into the cart, ran in and got our ice, put the boys back into the van, then realized I had to unpack the perfected Jenga puzzle to allow room for the ice. I took some deep breaths and, amazingly, remained mostly patient.

My prize for this trip: Cafe Rio for lunch.

Yum.

I thoroughly enjoyed my sweet pork tostada as I made the drive home. We were on track to get home in perfect time for Rachel to bring her boys over for me to watch, and to pick up Clark and Jack from their field trip. Connor & Rhett watched How to Train Your Dragon in the back while I jammed to my tunes up front. All of us perfectly content.

In the distance I saw red and blue lights coming towards us. I dutifully slowed down and pulled over to the right.

Oh no. An ambulance.

My heart immediately started pounding. I breathed heavily as my hand instinctively covered my heart to keep it inside my chest. As the ambulance passed, an intense flood of emotions drowned me.

The ambulance was from a county almost 3 hrs south of Billings. My thoughts turned back to the dreadfully long ride I took one month ago, following anxiously behind Rhett's ambulance. I felt sincere empathy for the family of the person in this ambulance. I watched the cars that followed for their anxious family members.

I bawled as I pulled back onto the road and continued to vividly relive the events of July 6th in my head and heart. I couldn't help it. The intensity and reality of the emotions I felt took me by surprise.

A few miles from home, I regained my composure. I looked in the rear-view mirror at my sweet, sweet Rhett. Alive. Alive! Alive with the squishiest, perma-rosy cheeks ever. I love him fiercely. He is a true ray of sunshine in every day. I cannot imagine life without him.

I poured my heart out in a prayer of gratitude to my Heavenly Father. In return, He filled it with Love. Joy. Peace.

******

I didn't know that I was still so emotionally vulnerable. I thought I had gotten most of it out of my system. I guess I haven't. Who knows if I ever will?

Please forgive me if I randomly break down on you. :)

I also want to thank you all for your kind words, love, and support that you left on Facebook & my last blog post.  I felt it, and truly appreciate it.

xoxo Kristen

COWLEY, WYOMING, UNITED STATES • 84° SUNNY