A Blessing, and Goodbye

Sara in her blessing dress

Many people have told me that they've been influenced by Sara's short life, and have been inspired by her story. Many have asked how they can help, and I honestly haven't known how to answer. My aunt suggested a YouCaring fundraising site to help with the medical expenses that we have incurred this year with my 5 hospital stays, Sara's NICU stays, and all the specialists we've needed to see. We agreed, and decided that any amount raised above our medical expenses will be donated to Primary Children's Hospital in Sara Kate's name.

The medical team, Rainbow Kids team, social workers, and Child Life specialists at Primary Children's all came together to make Sara's blessing day, and final hours, an incredibly sacred and amazing experience for our family. PCH gave us opportunities and experiences that wouldn't have been available elsewhere, experiences for which we are forever grateful. We'd love to be able to give back. If you'd like to contribute in memorial of Sara Kate, please check out the site HERE, and share as you see fit. (You can also view a video I put together of Sara's journey).

Thank you, thank you for all the support and love you have shown us. We cannot adequately express the gratitude that we feel for the amazing people in our lives. 

We love you.
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I'd like to share Sara's final day with you. It was the hardest, saddest, most painful day of my life, yet there were many happy, spiritual, beautiful moments too.

September 11, 2014 - Day 6

In the morning, two lovely music therapists came to our room to help us write a song for Sara. When the idea was first mentioned at our Rainbow Kids session, I thought it sounded super cheesy, but decided to give it a chance. (I obviously had no clue what caliber of musicians they had.) It turned out to be an amazing experience and I'm so glad we did it! One of the MT's played softly on her guitar while she asked us questions like "What do you think Sara's purpose is?", "What do you think her personality is like?", "What do you love about her?", "What has she taught you?" I got really emotional as I talked about Sara. Reid and I talked about how we know she'll be part of our family forever, how she is strong and brave, how we call her Our Sweet Girl and Baby Girl, how she has brought us closer to our family, how she's taught us all to have Faith, and has inspired us to pray and rely on the Lord. It was surprisingly therapeutic for me to express these things about Sara out loud. Who knew therapy would be therapeutic? :)

The NICU provided us with some breakfast food, and my Mom & Dad came to stay with Sara while we took quick showers. They both got to hold her for the first time. Sweet moments.

When we got back to the room, Brad & Phyllis, Holli, Shauna & Cody, and Megan were all there. The MT's came back and played Sara Kate's song for us. It was more beautiful than I could have even imagined. Their voices melded so perfectly together. I don't think there was a dry eye in the room. I couldn't hold back my emotions. I just sobbed and sobbed. I love Sara so much. 

We sent everyone downstairs, and spent some time getting Sara ready for her blessing. I got to change her diaper, and clean her fingers. With nurse and RT help, I dressed Sara in a beautiful white dress with delicate smocking that our dear family friend, Diane, made for her. I put a small white bow headband around her head. (I stuck it on with some bow-stick glue to keep it in place, and it was obvious that I was not experienced with that stuff.) In that moment, doing those little things, I really felt that mother-daughter relationship flourish. It became real to me. I have a daughter! I kissed her often on her little hands and feet, and her adorable forehead as I talked to her and cared for her. 

After preparing her NICU bed for transport, we wheeled Sara down to the 3rd floor, and then to the outdoor Hope Garden that had been made private for us. 

We were welcomed by our grandparents, our parents, our siblings, our boys, and the most beautiful weather - sunny with blue skies and a cool breeze. The MT's were playing soft background music on their guitars. We couldn't have asked for a more perfect setting. Being able to take Sara outside just made my heart happy. It was significantly better than being in the stuffy hospital room with monitors constantly beeping. We were able to forget for a moment that we were still at the hospital.

We invited everyone to see Sara, to touch her, and give her kisses. We all knew Sara's time on Earth was short, that she was incredibly sick, and could leave us at any moment. That knowledge made these interactions so meaningful. No one took their time with Sara for granted. I felt blessed to witness such tender expressions of love and gratitude between Sara and the people that love her.

The Child Life specialist helped the boys make and paint picture frames for them to put a picture of them and Sara in. They also made special memory boxes. I'm so glad that they have these to help them remember their little sister.

With the help of the RT & nurse, we transferred Sara to her Grandma Weber's arms for the first time. Marilyn was overcome with emotion holding her, and felt her sweet spirit. 

Each of the boys got a chance to hold Sara. 

Rhett wanted to love on her, to touch her fingers, her cheeks, and her tiny toes. 

Connor was super sweet. He talked in a cute voice to her.  

Jack smiled so big, and loved how teeny she is. 

Clark broke down into tears. It just broke my heart to see him so sad. He put his head close to hers. He is a sweet older brother, and I know he will always have a special bond with Sara. 

We transferred Sara to Reid's arms so she could be given her Blessing. Reid gave her a beautiful blessing. She was blessed to have attending angels that would comfort her and take her back to Heavenly Father.  He blessed her that she would go quickly and peacefully. She was blessed to be a "strength to her mother". I know she will be. It was so neat to have the opportunity to bless Sara before she passed away. I'm so glad our brothers, fathers, and grandfathers were able to be there to participate. It meant so much to us.

We excused our extended family and shared many tears and hugs as they exited and said goodbye to Sara. I shared special moments with my grandmothers, who have each lost a child. I received wise and comforting words from my grandfathers. 

   

We let our boys stay for awhile, just our little family.  They each wrote a message (or colored a picture) for Sara on a balloon, then we watched them soar up to heaven. 

We enjoyed some sweet and special time as our family of 7 (Seven!).

After awhile, we excused the boys so Reid and I could spend time alone with Sara. We held her. We loved on her. We studied all of her tiny, beautiful features. We kissed her. We talked to her and told her we are proud of her. We told her how much we love her, and that we will miss her every day. 

We cried. We prayed. We were comforted.

Sara's final moments were filled with peace and all the love we could possibly give her. After a short time, we knew that our sweet baby girl had returned to her loving Heavenly Father and the doctor confirmed that our beautiful Sara Kate's heart had stopped beating. 

The feelings we feel are indescribable. We are going to miss our dear Sara Kate every day for the rest of our lives. We love her more than we can express, and are incredibly grateful for the time we had with her. We are so blessed to be her parents.

We know that we will see Sara again and look forward brightly to that joyous reunion.